This morning....

This morning I filed unemployment for John. BLAH. Constant reminder that he's unemployed. I'm sending in a resume and an application for a job at an oil company (in the office as an accountant) today. John says he'll pick up where I left off on school so we can continue to homeschool. I'm in the process of filing for foodstamps for the first time in my LIFE. John's heart is broken and he keeps telling me how he feels like he's letting his family down; like he's failed us somehow. I keep telling him times are just tough. Everyone seems to be laid off these days. He really IS looking for a job. There just aren't many.

We were going to stay with the inlaws... but there is so much crap going on right now that we feel like complete burdens on anyone we're around. I don't want to be a burden. I think I'd rather struggle and be on my own, than live with our family and be ok. I just hate asking for help...and I hate needing help. It's not about being humble (mom says we need to let go of our pride and humble ourselves, etc), it's about not being in the way. And we always are in the way. I've essentially been on my own since I was 17 (barely 17 at that)... I have no desire to have to resort back to the days of being 15 again. I enjoy living my own life with my own family in my own house.

Ok, I've rambled enough.